Skip to main content

Genesis 2

Related image
Albrecht Dürer's "Adam and Eve" (1507)




On the sixth day, God tinkered with what He had made, and on day seven, he knocked off.  “Might as well have a holiday now,” God said, and He invited everyone over to His place that day, even though they didn’t really feel like going.



Next week God found some particularly crappy ground where nothing was growing.  He took the clay there and shaped another human being with His own hands, because He was already bored with the other human beings He made last week.  Then God made the Garden of Eden, which was a diorama to keep his new human in.  Just to make things interesting, He also made a tree that grew a fruit that would let you figure out the difference between good and evil, but insisted that the human eat nothing from it.  “Eat from that tree and you’ll figure out right from wrong,” God said, “and then you’ll die.  Now do my gardening.”  (Years later, God would create another haven for those who don’t know right from wrong, and He would call it the United States Congress.)  Then God decided that people shouldn’t eat alone, so instead of going back to those other people He created last week, He instead paraded all the animals in front of this man and asked the man to name them.  The man did it, but there weren’t any good pets in the whole group of them.  So God knocked the man out and surgically removed one of the man’s ribs and built a woman, since all the women He had created last week weren’t that interesting for some reason.  God woke the man up and explained to him what He had done, and the man said, “All right, I’ll name this one ‘woman’ because, like, whoa, man, don’t tear my bones out of me when I’m asleep, okay?  Kinda creepy, don’t you think?”  (“The whole ‘woman from man’ thing is some sort of wordplay,” biblical translators would explain later.  “It doesn’t really work in translation, but we’re leaving it in there anyway.”  And so it was.)



As they walked around the garden, fig leaves would seem to follow them around for reasons that were never sufficiently explained, obscuring parts of their bodies at all times.  These new people were naked, and they both liked being naked, because they had no body image issues.  Those would come later.  Boy, would they come later.  Fruit is trouble.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Betty Crocker: A Brief Biography

Long have our supermarket shelves borne products with the name Betty Crocker.  This name has long since lodged in our heads an essential part of americana.  It seems to evoke the past.  It seems to always have evoked the past, a past when life was simpler and Mother and Grandmother cooked at home, using time tested recipes and only the purest ingredients.  We can’t go back to that simpler, wholesome past, but we can give ourselves a Proustian shot of nostalgia by tasting the past we remember, or the past we only wish we could remember, but know must be so good.  That is the Betty Crocker brand.  You might have seen drawings of her, but have you ever actually seen the legend herself?  Here’s an image of Miss Crocker from a 1953 television ad:


The full "Betty Crocker" TV commercial.

Okay, that’s actually actress Adelaide Hawley, who played Betty Crocker in a number of commercials for the brand from 1949 to 1964.  Betty Crocker was born in 1921, so this representation looks to be…

The Star-Spangled Banner: The Original Lyrics

If you’re an American (and quite possibly even if you’re not), you’ve certainly heard the tune called “To Anacreon in Heaven” numerous times.  It’s a stirring melody, and can often sound very proud, and if someone asked you to hum a few bars, you probably could do a creditable job of it, even if you have no musical ability at all.  The tune is that familiar.  Of course, it has another name that you probably know better: “The Star-Spangled Banner”.

But the song’s first name was “To Anacreon in Heaven”.  The song asserts that Anacreon is in heaven, right from the first line.  Whether Anacreon actually is in heaven, I’ll take no position on, but he most certainly is dead.  Anacreon was a Greek poet who lived from circa 582 BCE to 485 BCE, which is a remarkably advanced age for the times.  Anacreon was celebrated for his songs about drinking and love and having a good time.  Maybe not the weightiest of literature, but even the most serious poets and thinkers need to take a break now and …

At, Hashtag, And Per Se

Since the invention of the typewriter in the 1860s, there has been little change to the keyboard used in English.  The position of the letters has remained the same, and the numbers and punctuation have as well. The advent of the personal computer has required additional keys, most of which have found their own standard spots on the keyboard, but for the most part, there haven’t been many changes to the original design.

If you look at the above keyboard, you can see there have been some changes. Keys for fractions don’t really exist anymore; nor does a key to write the ¢ symbol. But the ¢ key on this 1900 model typewriter also includes the @ symbol, which has been common on keyboards since the dawn of typewriters. It’s older than that, even. But of course it is: how else would anyone write an email address? Except… who are you going to email in 1900? No one was emailing anyone before 1972. That’s when programmer Ray Tomlinson invented email. He figured that if you’re going to …