Albrecht Dürer's "Adam and Eve" (1507) On the sixth day, God tinkered with what He had made, and on day seven, he knocked off.   “Might as well have a holiday now,” God said, and He invited everyone over to His place that day, even though they didn’t really feel like going. Next week God found some particularly crappy ground where nothing was growing.   He took the clay there and shaped another human being with His own hands, because He was already bored with the other human beings He made last week.   Then God made the Garden of Eden, which was a diorama to keep his new human in.   Just to make things interesting, He also made a tree that grew a fruit that would let you figure out the difference between good and evil, but insisted that the human eat nothing from it.   “Eat from that tree and you’ll figure out right from wrong,” God said, “and then you’ll die.   Now do my gardening.”   (Years later, God would create another haven for those who don’t kno

The King James Bible was written in 1605, which means that there had previously been centuries of Bible writing and rewriting.  King James' version is one of the more famous, but it certainly wasn't the first, and it certainly wasn't the last.  There have been many others who have tried their hands at rewriting the Bible since then—telling the same story, only with different words.  Since the copyright has almost certainly lapsed by now, I figure I might as well take a crack at it.  Here's Genesis I. In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth.   Before that, God created God, because the creation of God was such a good yet complicated idea that only a Perfect Being could think of how to do it, which is why God created Himself.   It was pretty dark, so God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light; and God liked it so much He renamed it day, and let day go on all day, and when day was over the darkness came back, and He renamed the da