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Genesis 18: How to get pregnant after age 100

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Is there something unusual about these three guys?

One day in his town of Mamre, while Abraham was resting under an oak tree, contemplating his new name, three guys showed up.  Recognizing that these were Yahweh’s employees, Abraham offered him his best accommodations (that’s to say his spot under the oak tree) and offered them something to eat and drink, which they accepted.

“Sarah!” Abraham called, running inside the family tent.  “I need you to make three quick loaves of bread, right now!”

“’Three quick loaves of bread’?  Abeleh, I don’t think you understand how baking works…”  But Abraham was already off to the livestock to get some curds and to select a calf, which he ordered a servant to cook for them, also quickly.  It was Abraham who set about bringing this impromptu picnic to the oak tree, where Yahweh’s agents had been waiting patiently.

“So, where’s the little lady?” asked the agents.

“In the tent,” answered Abraham.  “You want me to go get her?”

“Don’t be silly.  She only cooked half this meal.  There’s no reason for her to join us.  But I will tell you this: she’s going to have a little boy next year.”

As the four men sat under the tree eating their Hebrew cheeseburgers, the post-menopausal Sarah stood in the tent, eavesdropping, and laughed about this, saying to herself,  “I don’t think those guys understand how menopause works…”  Later on, Yahweh Himself stopped by asked Abraham why Sarah had been laughing about this, even though Sarah was right there in the room with them.  “I didn’t laugh,” Sarah said.

“Oh, yes, you did,” said Yahweh.  “Quit lying.  I know you’re afraid.  Look, not only can I be all places at once, I can also do whatever I want.  You’re having a son next year.  Laugh if you want to, but this is serious as church.”

“Serious as what, Lord?”

“Never mind.  That comes later.”

Getting back to the three men at the cheeseburger picnic.  After they were done, they headed off down the road toward Sodom, the big town in those parts, with Abraham joining them.  Yahweh wondered to Himself whether or not He should tell Abraham about the urban renewal project He had in mind for Sodom, since it was Abraham who was supposed become a big wheel later on, possibly the biggest wheel on earth.  “Oh, why not?” said Yahweh.  “Look, Abraham.  Things are bad in Sodom and Gomorrah right now.  Really bad.  People are starting to complain.”

“Really?” asked Abraham.  “It looks as though those towns are pretty prosperous right now.  Thriving economy, great night life, a great place for a young man to—”

“I wouldn’t be so sure,” Yahweh said, cutting Abraham off.  “I need to go down there and have a look.  Then I’ll make up My mind.  I might have to do something about it.”

“You need to look, Lord?” asked Abraham.  “I don’t mean to be impertinent, but since You’re omnipresent, wouldn’t You already know if—“

“You are being impertinent,” said Yahweh, and they went on in silence.

The three men split off and Abraham turned to Yahweh with another question that he hoped was not too impertinent.  “I know how you work, Yahweh, and I have to wonder about this.  You’re probably going to wreck the place, which is all well and good, if it’s Your will and all.”

“By definition, that makes it good.”

“Yeah, but what if there are, like, fifty good people in that city?  Would You level the place with those fifty good people?  This won’t do much for Your reputation!  Think about it!”

“Well, if I find fifty good people there, I’ll let the place stand, because of them.”

“Now Lord, I realize I might be being impertinent again—“

“You are,” sighed Yahweh, “but go on.”

“What if you find forty-five good people there?  How about then?”

Yahweh took a deep breath and sighed.  “No, I’d call it all off if there were forty-five good people there.”

“How ‘bout if there were forty?”

“Yes, I’d back off for forty.”

“Thirty?”

“Yes, for thirty.”

“Now I still don’t mean to be presumptuous—“

“Yet you are.  But go on.”

“Twenty?”

“I’d spare it for twenty.”

“How about if there are ten?

“I’d spare it for ten.”

“Okay, so what if there were—“

“Enough!” said the Lord.  “You’ve been presumptuous enough!  Go home!”  And so they parted ways.

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