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Showing posts with the label Garden of Eden

Genesis 3: The Fall of Man

Free fruit, talking snakes—this place is great! One of the man’s rejected pets, a snake, approached the woman and asked her if it was true that the new humans could eat from all of the trees.   The woman said, “We can—just not that one tree in the middle of the garden with the ‘Danger: do not eat’ signs all over it.   It’ll kill us.”   “It won’t kill you,” said the snake.   “Why would God put something here that will kill you?   He just doesn’t want you to know how to do his job, which requires knowing the difference between good and evil.   If you knew the difference between good and evil, then you wouldn’t stay in middle management forever.”   Eager for a promotion, the woman ate some of the forbidden fruit and got the man to eat it, too.   Suddenly the woman realized she had small breasts and a slight roll of fat around her abdomen, and the man realized his penis was a little small and that he didn’t like the hair on his chest.   They then made their first clothes, out of

Genesis 2

Albrecht Dürer's "Adam and Eve" (1507) On the sixth day, God tinkered with what He had made, and on day seven, he knocked off.   “Might as well have a holiday now,” God said, and He invited everyone over to His place that day, even though they didn’t really feel like going. Next week God found some particularly crappy ground where nothing was growing.   He took the clay there and shaped another human being with His own hands, because He was already bored with the other human beings He made last week.   Then God made the Garden of Eden, which was a diorama to keep his new human in.   Just to make things interesting, He also made a tree that grew a fruit that would let you figure out the difference between good and evil, but insisted that the human eat nothing from it.   “Eat from that tree and you’ll figure out right from wrong,” God said, “and then you’ll die.   Now do my gardening.”   (Years later, God would create another haven for those who don’t kno